Today is the day where I will be united to a guy that I had never met. I felt sorry to myself; the old version of Juliet might die for her love one, at least pretend dead, why didn’t I do the same? I don’t know how to tell. Right now, at this particular hour, I am sitting in front of the mirror, with the wedding groomer grooming me for my so called excited wedding. I could say that I was sitting there silently, being very obedient child for my parents.
“I am so glad I have such a good girl as my child,” I guess this is what my father would utter to everyone who came to so called my wedding. Father, if I could say a word to you, I would say, “why must me? Why am I always being the obedient one? Why can’t I say no? Why?”
I know that if I uttered that, you will say the same you did when I did say I may had have someone on my mind as a husband, “You should have a life that your mother liked and you know that you are so similar with her, and I don’t want you to do the same mistake that she does. She married me who was not the count and she doesn’t have the life that she used to be. Juliet, you are the silver spoon of the family, you don’t know how to live in a life that was not your current lifestyle, especially to someone not to your class. You should not suffer like your mother when she was your age and was married to me; her father wasn’t pleased with me, but she thinks I am the best, at the end, she never happy with what she had when she with me. Do me a favour Juliet, don’t do the same mistake that she had done, you are my obedient child, my girl, you never disappointed us, your parents, it’s not my life, and I want you to have a good life later.”
Father, should I be obedient? I mean, for I being a wife to someone I don’t know? Father, for real, please, put yourself in my shoe. Shouldn’t I be happy? Shouldn’t I love someone? Shouldn’t I marry the one I love? I don’t know what to think.
“The bride mustn’t have a sour face. I need to see the best of you so that I could give the best makeup and hair do for your best day. It’s not that you are not willing to be wed right? The wedding vows aren’t for two people who don’t agree with each other you know.” The wedding groomer said that to me as I was thinking about what my father did say and will if I didn’t be the obedient child like I always do.
“Yes, indeed. A wedding vow is for two hearts to be united and it was with willing from both sides.” In my heart, I added, “either from our own heart of willing, or by forced” and I smiled bitterly I guessed, it was not my willing to smile brightly as a bride. I don’t know how the groom was, and I felt like I was being sold to someone. Now I know how the chicken felt when it was slaughtered and sold.
Somewhere out there, I could hear clearly my father’s voice. He was so happy that I was getting married to someone he wanted me to. Father, can I run away? Can I be cruel to you? No, I can’t. I can’t make you heartbroken. Mother, you seemed happy too. You seemed very glad I did get marry to a count, he is a count, someone from the royalty, someone who very rich and you was glad I would have a luxury life that you didn’t had. Is this marriage for me? Was it? Why I can’t see that it was for me? Why? I could only see my parents are so happy, they were delighted by the name I would take later. In my head, I was thinking, why didn’t I run away the day before? If only my Romeo came to the window like always and asked for me like always. Suddenly, I remembered Romeo. I shouldn’t let anyone know his existence. Anyway, he can never be with me. Oh my Romeo, why did you do that? If not, I might not have this life I am living. I would never be having this only choice. You broke my heart first, if you didn’t, I would not be doing this. To be honest, with what you have done, and by that only, I would still rather marry the count, and I agreed just because I lose my faith on you. You make me made this only choice. I married him not because I wanted a count like my father asked me but because you left me just like that.
“I love you so much, but you have such a different kind of living. I might not have all you have; I cannot give you what you had. It’s better for you to get someone that could give all your needs.” I remembered what you said Romeo, you think I cared what I had right now but you didn’t know if I really wanted what I had. If I did wanted what I had at the first place, I would never bring you near to my heart. You will never know anyway. Now you are too busy.
Sorry dear Romeo, I didn’t tell you that I will get marry to the count. I won’t let anyone know; I shall go and never come back to the town we met anymore. After I said my vow later, there will be no connection between you and me anymore. We won’t even have a friendship kind of relationship, just because I will never see nor for you will I seek.
Until now, I wondered why you did that to me dear Romeo. The day you broke my heart, is the day when you broke our promises. That day makes me think of I should be an obedient child once again. It isn’t that I had not been an obedient child when I was with you, but I am the Capulet. Even though once the girl married, she would be carry her husband’s family name, and I won’t ever carry the Capulet name anymore, but my blood will always carry the Capulet blood. That is thing that I can never put aside.
“A Capulet must never get in touch with the Montague. Montague made us, the Capulet suffered before. For ages, we had never allowed the Montague to even know our existence. Die Montague! DIE!!” These are the words I did hear before from my father. I could see my mother was smiling at me, trying to say that I should also remember this forever.
The nurse, a lady who takes care of me ever since I was young till now, was excited to hear that I agreed to be the wife of the count. What was his name again, Nurse? Oh, I remembered. His name is Paris. I was not sure, I never know him, I had never see him, and I had never been woo by him. What will he be? Is he true to marry me because he thinks I am the most perfect girl he had ever met? That was what I heard from my father, but I did hear different story from the girls.
“Paris knew that Juliet will gain a huge property when her parents died later. Did he like Juliet for her chinks?” “Poor Juliet if it was just because of that” “I heard Paris had a huge property himself, then why he want Juliet chinks?” “People don’t know enough right?”
What should I do? Should I be Paris’s wife or should I be alone? Why didn’t I say should I go for my Romeo? I don’t know if I should. That’s my 1st reason. Romeo, for thee I had enough. I remembered the day the Nurse told me not to be close to the Montague. The history that I need to remember is the day how the Capulet become the enemy of Montague. I, the only daughter for my father and mother, caring the name of Capulet, but I never want to make typical type of people in typical type of ways. Me, myself isn’t a typical Capulet. I never want to discriminate the Montague. I don’t want to judge without knowing the particular person itself.
I did hear that Montague is forbidden from us in Verona because they are heart breakers. Nurse, oh dear Nurse, you did warned me that love from Montague was not usually true. Nurse, you did warned me that Montague would do anything to take the hearts of the lady, but in the end, they would marry others. Oh, yes you did. Why, oh why I had never tried to be obedient on that time? Why did I rebel? Why oh why dear Juliet? I did try to cry when I remembered what had Romeo did, but I just can’t cry. My tears are very dry to come out just for what he had done.
I looked in the mirror and see different me at this time. The wedding groomer had made an excellent hairdo and makeup for me. Yes, the best for the bride. I sighed hard when I remembered I would be marrying to Paris. I looked at the bouquet of flowers that I would bring in the chapel later. Whitish brown bouquet synchronised to my wedding dress. A simple dress, how I would like since I was young. What a lucky person am I? Any girl would like to be me, the Juliet, but me? I don’t like being this type of girl. People can only see how lucky am I, but they didn’t know they had a better life. Ok, I know, don’t compare anything to anyone. We need to live our own life independently. Just be grateful would us? Another 2-3 hours, my father will come beside me and I’ll hold his hand before he exchanged his with Paris. Now I feel like crying. Am I regretting my decision? Am I willing to be a wife? Too many things are inside my head.
I remembered the day Romeo came to the ball on the night I first know him. He wore a black tuxedo, but he also wore a mask where I didn’t know how he looks like on that time. On that particular day, I believed in love at the first sight. He who made me believes that we could unite our family. I thought it was true. Dear Romeo, how you had been such a coward. If only you are brave, be a man, tell me the truth, don’t just go away this way, you are running away from our future. I suddenly wondered, did you actually think of our future? Romeo de Montague, you are the reason for my decision.
Romeo, did you remember the day you came outside my window, and we talked for a while? Remember that day I said I would ask the Nurse to give you a message? I knew the nurse might not give it to you, so I asked someone who I really trust, Lily, to give you the message. In the end, I didn’t know that Lily would do such thing to me. The real thing I hate is when you, my love at first sight, make me lose trust to you, and you made me hating love more. Love does not exist. Does it exist Nurse? I can’t think, what is the true thing? Lord, please give me the true answer.
Everybody is against me. Everyone won’t let me love you, not even the Nurse nor my best friend Lily. I am so sorry dear Romeo if you think I had betrayed you this way, but you did the same. You broke my heart by having another girl in your life, so I had decided to marry the count as that is what I suppose to do. My fate is to be marrying to someone who I will never love and be loved. Love is never an option for me. I do love you, yes I do. In this case, I can’t deny my fate, isn’t it? Romeo, just go to the other person that you are with, I will sacrifices myself to the destiny. What will happen to me are not your things anymore. Live your life dear Romeo.
“Smile brightly dear bride, your father is coming to get you and bring you to the chapel.” Oh my, the time has come. I would love to just stay silently here or die because of lack oxygen. The steps of my father coming to get me, sounds creepy right now.
It is hard to put a smile if you don’t like it. How can I do anything right now? I chose this path right? Can I go off just like that? What can I do? It is hard to breathe right now. It seems like my lungs had shrink. The corset seems too tight all of sudden. I stand up when I see my father is approaching me. He put out his hand and I take his hand. On that time, I could see my father is smiling happily. I smiled back just to make him happy. All I can see on that time was flashing lights everywhere, and I just walk according to my father’s steps. On that time, I could feel that I was gasping for air, and the lights suddenly turn black. Then I think I tripped and I don’t know what happen next.
TO BE CONTINUE...
